Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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