Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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