my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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