That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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