I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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