Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
