why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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