he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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