this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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