I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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