Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
