dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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