I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
