i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
