You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
