you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
