as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize