I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
