addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
NoShamevember. You game?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
