Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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