There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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