marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
