He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
