Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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