Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
