Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
