I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
