Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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