What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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