My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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