please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
