just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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