Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
