she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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