He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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