you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Boobs are out for the taking
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
