There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
