I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize