I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
