I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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