I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need a burrito and a hug.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
