Tell her she can't have a vagina
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
