her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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