just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
