I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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