how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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