FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
