idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
