I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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