my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
