I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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