Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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