She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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