this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think a kid would responsible me up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize