Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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