You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
