So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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