Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
