I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
