if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
