I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
