Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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