If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
