Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
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That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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