Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
