i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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