And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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