Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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