On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
