Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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