xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
