Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
