Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
