I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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