Just fell off a train. Bad.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
