at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
