South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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