Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
