Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
