Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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